Haven't posted on here in awhile. So the last 2 weeks have been very good by Depression/Anxiety standards. I have had ups and downs but with more ups. I usually have 2 anxious/minorly depressed times a day. Once in the morning, and 1 either late afternoon or evening. But compared to what I have been through in the past, this was LIVING life not ENDURING it. I started going to the gym and working out again Monday. Yesterday I had a heavy workout and felt amazing afterwords. Today I woke up soar but feeling incredible. I didn't even have my AM anxiety. I ate a big healthy lunch and took the day off from stressors. No school work or anything. Played video games most of the day and felt good. I noticed early this evening that my muscle soarness was annoying me and I started to get a little tired. I slept for 8.5 hours last night. Fast forward to the last 2 hours. I out of NOWHERE fell into a weird state of mind. I was romanticizing suicide, not my own but the action itself. I don't want to kill myself at all, but it was just a weird obsessive thought pattern. Now for the last hour I have been super depressed and experience a decent amount of anxiety. I almost am crying which is usually reserved for my super depressive episodes. I am more concerned with WHY this is happening all of a sudden. I ate nothing but sugar in the afternoon and evening so thats an option, I didn't take my vitamins today, maybe that? I haven't had a workout that intense in years, maybe that's it? I guess no one can tell me and I can't know either, but there are the only things I can think of. I am sitting here terrified that this is the beginning of another wave of Depression/anxiety. I was feeling so damn good for awhile now. My muscles ache more than earlier now, my head hurts, im emotional, im scared, and I feel mild hopelessness. WHY!?!?!?!?! My obsessive traits are also a worry as tomorrow even if I feel fine, I'll have a terrible time letting go of tonight because its such an extreme bad feeling. I guess im posting for assurance or something, I dont know. Im one of those people who when the feel good physically or emotionally, the other has a hard time not following suit. Problem is the opposite is also true, give me a cold and my mind goes into negative mode. If only tonight could all be a dream and tomorrow I be right back on track. I hope for that so much I can't even express it .