This is a long story, but bear with me. I'd really love any advice I can get. I am pretty lost and confused at this point.
I'm 20 years old any up until about 8 months ago I have been very close with my mom- she has been my best friend. About two years ago, my mom lost both of her parents (who she was very close to... took care of... talked and visited with daily) and she got very depressed and felt pretty lost. At this time she and my dad had been arguing and hardly getting along or talking much (they are married, have been for 21 years). This was a "known" issue, but was more or less related to the stress of our family situation. Around this same time I graduated high school and moved about 50 minutes away to go to college. I came home every weekend and was still close to my family, but saw my parents slipping further and further apart.
Fast forward to this past summer, my mom told me she was going to move out. I was very upset and felt like she was giving up on the our family. She ended up staying because I felt like this and she told me she'd work on it. She didn't work on it too much at all... rarely spent time at home... was always out with friends and a few months later she did move out. She and my dad had had some heated arguments and my mom threatened to move out... meanwhile my dad didn't want her staying if she felt this way. So, like I said, she moved out and took about half of her things with her.
We didn't get along for a while after she moved out- I was very upset with her and felt like she didn't care about anyone but herself. A couple months after she moved out we had began to talk more and get along better. She was still talking to my dad... even moreso than in the past few years, but she didn't want to move home. I felt like something was "off" with her and when she told me she was going on a vacation with some of her friends, I just couldn't believe her. I did some investigating and found out that she was going on this vacation with a guy she had been seeing. I've known this man for years and my mom had known him for longer, but in the messages I read they were "in love." This broke my heart. I legit didn't know what to do with myself. I confronted her and she told me that she was seeing this guy and dind't want me or my dad or brother to know. I kept this secret for a long time, but it weighed very heavy on my heart. When I was with my dad, all he talked about was my mom and how he still had hope that she'd move back... while I knew my mom was seeing this other man.
I eventually made my mom tell everyone the truth... and know it's "all" out. But the thing is that I know she is still lying to me and to my dad. She asks as if she might move back in and tells my dad she loves him, yet she has this other man in her life... she has switched all of her info to her new address and calls her apartment "their (as in her's and the guy's) place" and they act like a full out couple.
I really need advice on what to do. Do I confront her and "make" her make a decision on staying with this family or getting a divorce? Do I confront her with all the little lies that I catch her in?
I know some might say to stay out of it and that it's a problem for my parents to work out, but this weighs on me. It effects me every minute of everyday. It's effecting my relationship with my boyfriend, my school work, my mental health... everything. It's hard to have all this love for someone, but know that they lie to you... to your face nonetheless... on a regular basis and it doesn't seem to bother them at all. My mom has changed so much and nothing makes her realize what she's done. It's like dealing with an addict of some sort. She just doesn't realize what kind of hurt she is causing, even when I try to tell her.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I've never been on a forum like time before, but I hope someone might have been in a similar situation with a lying parent or something and has some other advice than to just cut her out of my life. That is something I can't imagine...