I hate this! My brain is hurting me! I love people! My intelligence tells me one thing... but another part of my brain is shouting out a completely different message.
It sucks!
Deep down I know if a person really do love me and care about me... but nooooooooooo.... that can't be says my OCD-brain!
It tells me how useless I am... that no one can ever really love me... It says to me with a harsh "voice": They are only fooling you, can't you see that?!!!!!! They all think that you're boring... weird... they are laughing behind your back... Can't you see, YOU'RE NOTHING!
After a conversation with a friend.... I start to think.... hmmm... now she/he sits there on the other end giving up a huge sigh... thinking- finally I got rid of her.
This is only a few of the things my OCD-brain is telling me...
This is destroying me! Makes it really hard in friendships... Yesterday I wrote to a really lovable and sweet friend, wondering if she was fed up with me.... ARGH! I know she's not! But if I ask that question again... she will get fed up with me!
The OCD is sometimes making me dig my own grave.
I've got hurt a lot of times before in life, by friends turning out not to be true friends. I guess I've got burned... that obviously is helping the OCD in its work.
I hate it!!!!
I just needed to get this off my chest.

Thanks for reading! I hope you don't think I'm a total nutcase after reading this! LOL