Hi, I understand what u mean about the taboo part. I began having sex at a much younger age than you at 13yrs old, and true, I was technically a kid, but I knew exactly what I was doing, all the possible consequences, etc. I bled my first time, and we even had to stop because I was extra "new". I couldn't even imagine what it felt like to orgasm, but I had so much fun during sex. When I had a steady boyfriend who I adored, I finally realized what it felt like. You usually will feel yourself clench up, and it won't be you making it clench. It gets a mind of its own, and I was so confused and embarrassed because my body was moving on its own and I felt like the most indescribable wave of ecstasy. Best feeling in the entire world.
Now, what I say next, is of course, my personal opinion, so it may or may not apply to u, but your post gave me the feeling that this guy isn't exactly as freaky as u want him to be in bed. True, he does some things with you, but he doesn't satisfy you sexually. I'm glad I'm 31 now and know myself better because it is very hard to tell if it's you or him. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but when I started feeling like my ex didn't care about me the way I did him, I could never come anymore unless I thought of something else.
Anyway, I found a guy who told all these taboo stories, and he wasn't ashamed or worried about what I would think. I could come for weeks off of the same thought, but then I'd need something new. I started needing "stories" of forbidden sex, and after him, the guys I was with just bored me. I've noticed, tho, that when I'm really into a guy, I can come. Sometimes my body realizes I'm not happy in a relationship before I do...can't get wet, no orgasm.
One more thing, these are my tips for making yourself have an orgasm...or 16 orgasms in a row on a good day. I had been playing with myself and having sex since middle school, I probably had 3 orgasms in that whole time, and I used to try so hard to give myself one, but it never happened until college. So here's what worked for me: First, stick one or 2 fingers inside yourself, and move slowly around every part of you inside and out. Use lube if u need it. No big deal. I never orgasm from the same exact place, so I feel around and think of whatever the hot fantasy of the moment is. It's hard to do if you're worried and stressed, just try your best to relax. Usually, one spot will start to tingle every time you touch it. One day I realized that the reason I couldn't come was that every time I found that spot, it was so intense, I would move my fingers somewhere else. It just felt too good, plus my body was getting weaker and weaker as the blood kept flowing to "that area", so I would always stop. Sometimes, I have to literally say out loud, "Don't move, u better stay right there, don't get scared. Take it" Then my eyes roll back in my head, I can't complete a sentence, and I no longer care if anyone hears me moaning. In fact, that turns me on more to think that someone's listening. Just be careful that you have these fantasies because there's a VERY thin line between fantasizing about something you would never ever do in real life and actually doing it. Watch your impulsiveness.
Finally, another option is that you're still rather new to the sex thing. True, you've watched porn, but you're not used to saying what you want. If your boyfriend is doing something that's not working for you, if you want him to be more rough, tell him. If he's trying to please you but doesn't know what will work, just grab his hand or mouth or whatever you want and take it and do what u want him to do. Guys don't mind. Especially, if they make you orgasm. Good luck, girl, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about.