I have fairly similar issues with talking to people and feeling alone. I've never gotten as far as a therapist or suicide, though I've thought about it quite a lot. I find refuge in writing, reading, and just plain keeping busy. When I'm upset, I rant like you did up here, but I do it in a diary. Sometimes, I try to write fiction or poetry, even though I'm pretty terrible. The point is to find an outlet for your emotions. If you can't do it through talking, I think writing is a good alternative.

You probably won't like this suggestion, but maybe you should take a community college class. Find something that interests you and only meets a few times a week, especially a class that has a lot of students and doesn't require much participation. Maybe you'll meet people who share your interest and then you can talk about that instead of shallow small talk, or maybe you won't, but at the very least, it will give you somewhere to go and something to do. For me at least, boredom and loneliness are two of the worst things.

Last plug: in high school, we had to read this awesome book called Man's Search for Meaning. It really changed how I saw the world, and maybe it would help you, too. The first part of it is about the author's experiences in the Holocaust, and how he developed a new form of therapy that's about looking at the future rather than the past. The second part of the book is about his experiences with the therapy and how it works. It's very easy to read, but it's enlightening, quite honestly. I think it's inspiring thing I ever read.