I think all of how we relate to others is learned/not learned. Yes, we may be a curious or friendly soul as infants but our parents can be anxious, depressed, angry or stressed, etc. and that will affect us. We like/don't like our parents but are trapped by their being the primary adults in our world so we have to go along with what they are preaching, learn good and bad things because we have no other experience and not learn other good or bad things because there's nothing to compare what we're learning to yet.

It's only when we get older and out from under and get a bit of self-understanding that we can orient ourselves as we wish and notice, from our own attempts at learning or unlearning what works for us and what doesn't. I think we usually notice what doesn't work first but don't have a clue how to proceed so go get therapists who help us move along further in our development.