Thanks for posting this, and I think you posted it in the right spot. I had similar issues in my teens to what you talk about, though I am a guy and straight. But I don't think that part matters, the feelings were the same. I felt very unlovable and had low self-esteem because of my issues in this area. You mention that you are depressed and may have social anxiety. Have you had any treatment? Therapy? Meds? For me, talking about these things in therapy helped a lot. I'm sorry you are suffering and hope you find some comfort. One last thought, have you looked into online ways of meeting people. Not sure what they have in Germany, but in the U.S. they have sites that match people based on preferences. I would guess these sites have areas for gay people as well. Take care!