Suzzi, please do not blame this on you, you were a child, the adults let you down. they were supposed to protect and nurture you, they didn't. it is their failure not yours.
For years i blamed myself for the failure of adults, only to become seriously ill. Now I realise it was their failures not mine which led to the horrible things happening, my heart and head are at peace with myself. I still have unanswered questions, but realise and accept i will never get the answers i need because those who hold them are the irresponsible bxxxxds who let these things happen in the first place.
be kind to yourself, you are better than they are. by blaming yourself you are letting the torture continue, break the cycle, place the blame where it truly belongs and win, you are a survivor.