thanks for your reply texas man. you may find it helpful to also post in this forum Relationships & Communication for additional support as well. i'm sorry you feel so alone. i can relate to that feeling.
in my last reply i mentioned a support group. i didn't reference any 12 step program for a reason... there are many groups or practices or meds that ppl use in regard to their addiction or solutions to alleviate the struggles to stay clean and sober. i chose AA and it worked for me but there is other help out there too.
some things you mentioned it's been said if we have a substance abuse problem we will find all kinds of reasons why we use. please know that i'm not trying to criticize you but in my experience i blamed others to justify my drinking. i've found i can't expect others to be responsible for how i feel. tho i do hear you-you wish she'd show more compassion. this was the sentence u referenced where i felt she truly wants you to be sober but it hurts her when you harm yourself with your drug dependence. often when one is frightened it will come out as anger cause we're scared (she's scared perhaps) for the one we care about.
boy i can sure relate to that. i was emotionally and physically abused in a relationship. i felt sad, worthless, alone. i used alcohol to numb any emotions. it worked for awhile but lead me to active alcoholism. facing those feelings sober was difficult. but in order to get better i knew i had to do it if i wanted to stay sober. it was painful but worth it.
i am sorry you feel so badly. you sound like a kind person who feels helpless and you seek comfort. perhaps by picking the right moment you can sit down and talk with your wife. you might even want to print out what you wrote for reference. i hope she will take the time to listen. meanwhile focus on staying sober. it's the best thing one can do for themselves. i feel it was like giving my own self the greatest present there is. i was not disappointed in the result.
we're here for you.