I just figured out that my husband of almost four years was having a three month online/text/phone relationship with a woman he met online (although I "knew" all along). I found some of the emails, and it was extremely sexually explicit. Our sex life had always been "amazing" as he put it, and I was naive enough to think I was all he needed. I know why it started, I had seperated from him, and told him that I was falling out of love for him and not attracted to him anymore, so he went looking for an ego boost. He continued his realtionship with her even after we reconciled.

For me, it was just the last in a web of lies spun from the beginning of our relationship, and the final straw. He lied about who he was when we met, and just kept lying over the years. He is not the man I thought I married.

Because of my past, I had never trusted any man in my life, until him. The day I said "I do", I gave myself to him, body and soul. But I married a man incapable of loving, and who lost respect for me as soon as I needed him (which was when I was having a bad pregnancy with our first son).

I moved from Canada to Arizona, changed my entire life for him, and now I'm left to start over. I have no family here, and no friends to speak of. I gave up financial stability, and the familiarity of home (although I LOVE living here!), and now I am left feeling lost. Lost, but not afraid.

We have two children, and I willingly quit my $50,000+ a year career to be a stay at home Mom. Now, I am on my way to doing medical transcribing from home, so I don't have to put my boys in daycare, and working toward financial independence from him.

Being at home, however, doesn't give me an opportunity to meet many people, so I am looking for others to talk to here. It's hard when you need someone to talk to in the middle of the day, and there's no one to reach out to. My husband was my best friend, and I think that's the hardest thing of all.

I look forward to hearing from others in my situation, or a similar one. Misery really does love company, but in this sense, it helps deal with the pain

wounded1
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wounded1