Ok. I'll bite.

Knowing now that she has also been physically abusive to you during arguments and other unhealthy beahiour. I think those issues were brought up after most of us gave our opinions. That changes things.

It sounds like you both need therapy to work on your issues. Cheating isn't right, hitting isn't right. I don't care if it's a female doing the hitting, it is still domestic violence. Why is this not a big deal? The house and assists, you probably both contributed in different ways, that can be discussed with a lawyer and you can come to a fair agreement. No one side needs to suffer more greatly than the other. Your children still need and deserve a home. Even if you two never reconcile, what about future relationships with other people? It would be irresponsible to bring this unhealthiness that you both have into future relationships.

You both need to learn how to communicate in a healthy mannor, same for conflict resolution. Bounderies, codependency, trust, dealing with anger ect. You both need to take responsibility for your actions, behavior, and intentions.

Has your wife admitted that she has a problem with physical abuse ( let's call it what it is)? Has she sought any help for this?