Oh Roz... I so hear you! I wish I could be of some help, hun. All I can say is that I feel for both you and your son. My own soon 14-year-old son is violent and can't deal with his emotions. He breaks things around him, hit/punches teachers and personnel etc.
I'm ready to listen if you need an ear, hun.
(My son has Asperger's, ADHD and tics)