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Originally Posted by Mindinpieces
Sorry you find yourself in this situation. However like others posts you need to stop the touching first and foremost. It’s hard to see past that possible (we could end up in a relationship thing) and properly look at this from all aspects. I say this because something sort of similar happened between me and a guy. So sorry if I am of no help or totally got this wrong. I have only ever been with one guy and unfortunately done everything with him so I am probably not the best advisor for you.
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It is hard not to think of the 'we could be in a relationship' thing but my mind does tend to think things out as thoroughly as possible.. I have a Lot of time that my mind likes to wander around in.
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You need to let him know that yes it was fine for him to touch you that time but it was a one off. Or if you really regret it tell him you found that situation uncomfortable (explain honestly why) because if you don’t he’s only going to see it as it’s fine to experiment with you. Now please don’t think I mean this in a harmful way but even if he likes you at this point it seems his more concerned about his sexuality and what gets him going. Which isn't fair on you because it’s only going to cause you heart ache and regret, if things turn out to be he only wanted to see how he felt and used you. However he could see you as a friend that could turn into being in a relationship with. It sounds as if you have some good aspect to interacting with one another in platonic sense. Even so letting him touch you will not help because even if in future you start a relationship this will only turn it sour as it will end up feeling like he doesn’t care for you or only see’s you as way to get off. I ended up being that to the guy I thought cared for me. However the guy you like may not be like that. Everyone is different I am only using my experience to try and relate and advise you as best I can.
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He's been touching my chest (through clothes) for months, just not purposely to invoke..a reaction previously.. (it was only upon questioning me the time before last that he even discovered that having breasts touched feels good) I was a bit uncomfortable throughout the entire time he was doing what he did (not So much.. just those nagging question..)
He's said he loves me (while he still considered himself asexual); he's said i'm attractive; that he envies parts of me even..
I'm also used to pain if not regret.. i don't regret much unless its me causing harm either accidentally or purposefully to another person.. I don't see a point in regretting things i could have avoided, after all, I can't change them now...
That's not to say I'd like to invite more in.. but that I'm used to it and the idea of a relationship with him is just so appealing... This probably sounds odd what with all I've written but when I think of a relationship all I really think is of being able to kiss and hold whenever I like.. I haven't had my first kiss yet, as stated previously, and at 18, that idea drives me insane some days.. I per se Want sexual relations yet.. (maybe on a smaller level I do, but).. I just want things to be in order- my mind doesn't function out of order- I can only really think about the first kiss until it happens..
Believe me though when I say I know he cares about me.. we've been close friends for a while now.. and he knows more about me and I more about him than anyone else on earth.
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You have to try and think about this from all aspects. Try writing how you feel about this because it’s easy to think he could care, why can’t I have that sort or relationship, we are young and it’s ok to do those things, we are being responsible. If you listen to those voices in your head that tell you what you want to hear about how you would like to see this turn out. You could blindly end up regretting and causing yourself a lot of emotional pain. Not just emotionally, things can get out of hand physically and you need to that responsibility and not let that happen or if it does be prepared.
Try to write down - How do I feel about him? – How would I feel if he wants relationship with me? – Am I mentally in a place for a relationship at this moment myself? – What would I want from a relationship with him? – Am I able to care for him and support him? – If it turns out that’s not how he sees me, can we still be friends? You have to ask yourself things like this because it’s easy to overlook how you really feel because you got caught up in the moment and didn’t really what to see anything other than what you thought would make you happy and wanted. This is what I done and I lost what little self-respect I had for myself because I didn’t stop and think.
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'we are being responsible' just made me blush like crazy at my computer screen. I don't anticipate anything that would deem 'responsibility' in the near future. We're both too introverted and shy to try anything like that Any time soon unless something drastic were to change.
How I feel about this: I love him, I want to help him and for him to be happy; I'd do anything for him if it would only help him a little bit.. I know because of the things bothering him that sex is probably not even an option for quite an amount of time if at all and i'm very much ok with that at the moment. It's very much different having someone else that you care about touching you than it is solo... I want to have my first kiss with him before we get into anything sexual and that includes him trying to make me orgasm through touching my breasts, so I want to be able to say no the next time he tries (and i do have a feeling he'll try again) but I have a feeling i'll be too shy & not want to hurt his feelings so much that i won't say anything. Because of one thing in particular that he knows about me, in addition to his own problems.. i severely doubt that things would get out of hand physically. If he wanted a relationship with me i'd be thrilled.. I'm ready for a real relationship and I've never been as close to someone as I am with him. I haven't been in enough relationships to know what i would really want from a relationship.. I already care for and support him in everything I can.. We are friends and since he already knows I like him and we're still friends I would assume that won't be changing soon.
I don't get 'caught up in moments' per se.. my mind is always wheeling.. thinking, analyzing.. If I consented to go further or even continue the way he last did things last time, it would more-so be a decision i make thinking of him than myself. If he wants to continue it, I want him to be happy.. I just wish it could be withing a relationship if it were going to happen.
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It does sound like you are responsible and know yourself well but everyone sometimes misjudges things. If he truly cared for you he would respect you and not over step any line. If you both cared the same for one another then it wouldn’t matter if you waited. Before letting one another know you might like to be in a relationship together. That person would still care for you in future, if not a little stronger because you allowed a bond to grow between you by just getting to know one another first. This way no one has to have any unnecessary hurt by rushing and not fully thinking things through.
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He respects me- very much.. he's asked permission.. and if I ever told him to stop, he would... but he's quiet and shy and I'm quiet and shy.. so he wouldn't really know if/when i'm uncomfortable. He didn't mean to step over a line.. of that I'm sure.. I think he assumed because I liked him that it would be ok.. the main problem with it for me, is that we aren't currently in a relationship and he hasn't kissed me yet.. He knows I would like to be in a relationship with him.. he's known this for months, but because of the way he feels about himself he's not sure how he would handle being in a relationship.. and with all the stupid petty relationships that exist around us I think he feels a strong negative connotation for the word.
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You said you confessed to liking him well he might see this as it’s ok to do things with you because you said so yourself to him you liked him. However there is never anything wrong in checking how a person feels towards you and the reason why he done that to you. Also at this time it may be best to find out how he feels about you and not mention a relationship just yet. It’s best to just let your friendship turn into something more over time and not be forced by either of you. This way you can learn to love and respect one another and have a good relationship if things go down that path.
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I want to know.. why he did that, but i'm so embarrassed to even try to ask..
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Sorry I have probably not helped you at all and most likely totally got this wrong. But please don’t make the same mistake I did and find out he only wanted you for his own pleasure and couldn’t be there for you emotionally because you rushed things and didn’t think them through well.
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You weren't unhelpful... but he's not that type of guy.. he has so many problems regarding his own sex organ and he's so So shy and he Does care about me.. He's gone out of his comfort zone to make me feel better when i was scared or upset before.. He's been there for me emotionally when no one else was.. he's my best friend.. I just wish it was something more and with the way things are going i'm nervous..