Wendy,

You really do have a difficult situation on your hands with your son, don't you? I'm sorry that he is making the choices that he is. He doesn't sound too far gone to me though. You are a good mom, and it sounds like your ex is cooperating with raising your son, and that helps a lot. The things you are doing sound like all the right things - you show that you care about him, but you don't shield him from the consequences of his actions. You are enlisting support where it is appropriate. Taking him to his probation officer must have been very hard, but it was the right thing, and hopefully will result in more help. Most important, you are supportive without caving in to his inappropriate behaviors or letting him get away with things. Keep being persistent and don't give up. That's the best you can do. And make sure that you have the support for yourself that you need, and recognize that all you can do is all you can do. You want a better future for your son than he wants for himself, but he's going to make his own choices, and have to face the resulting consequences. Know that you are doing the best that you can.

Also, your younger boy is doing very well in school and you say he is an overacheiver. Make sure that you give him as much attention as you can too so that he doesn't feel like his brother gets everything. One idea might be for the three of you to schedule a time to do something fun together on a regular basis.

Love,
Wendy

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