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Old Apr 15, 2012, 10:53 AM
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bowhunt72 bowhunt72 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 289
I agree with you especially on the marriage side. My BP didn't cause my problems, but being on a manic episode I had no clue I was on (even though my wife tried to warn me) sure didn't help anything. Marriage was in bad shape, I wanted to feel loved and appreciated and understood and desired again, so I looked up an old lover and we picked up where we had left off 13 years before. Did enormous damage to what was left of the marriage, may or may not be beyond repair. We're trying to work on rebuilding, but it's a very slow and touchy process with a lot of setbacks.

Might have made a little "progress", if you want to call it that, on the issue of missing my lover last night. I took my wife out on a "date" and we did a lot of talking. Turned up she was actually the one that called my lover's long time boyfriend and forced the final breakup. (see my yours/mine/ours thread under Relationships and Communication). Found out she wasn't just lying to the old boyfriend, for at least part of the time she was lying to me too. I still believe that she honestly did love me, if for no other reason than as an escape from an abusive boyfriend, but she just didn't have the character or backbone to stand up for us when things got tough. I was was saddened and disappointed by some of the things I learned about her, and it's making me miss her a little less. (Good news: I expected to have a really bad crash once I got home and had time to think about this, but it didn't happen. I was very sad, but that's not the same thing. Yeah!)

Really don't know what to do about the PTSD, because I'm not used to dealing with it. I was a big tough veteran firefighter, been there, seen everything twice, and just locked it down and went on with my life. PTSD was one of my later diagnoses, and it usually doesn't cause me much trouble. It usually just hovers in the background while my BP and anxiety cause all the problems, but all of a sudden it's pushed its way in with the biggies and started causing flashbacks and all kinds of other annoying crap. I'll have to get help with this one, I really don't any good ideas how to handle it.