hey, cannot stop the thoughts today after concluding yesterday that i'm going to be a hermit lol, and just thinking of myself like that now with no hope is crushing.

had lots of therapy and after realising that all the work i put in, i'm never gonna feel entitled to a life, its too hard, unless i marry somebody who's able to support me completely , but doing it on my own and with the help of unreliable friends I might make is really beginning to look pointless. I dont even have energy to change and make an effort though I wanted to, but its looking too late to be anyone now. I'm not eating properly and just emotionally eat really bad, but I've become too attached to destroying myself in this way. I'm 21 and my past of withdrawing for the last 4 years is just going to haunt me wherever i go now, my family are all the same and dont bother having a life, im trapped into their life i dont know how to escape them without feeling like I'm being a fake, any advice please needed