I take it that she's in denial. She's not strong enough that I worry much about being physically injured, although I have had to stop her from trying to grab a kitchen knife a few times. I do get tired of being hit, though. I think her violence is every bit as big an issue as my cheating. I've been humiliating myself on my knees apologizing for my infidelity, but in 18 years I've never gotten more than a token "sorry" the next morning, and usually not even that. She's been violent a lot more times over a lot longer time period than I have cheated. I cheated twice, 13 years apart. She started attacking me during temper tantrums before we made it to our first anniversary and has never let up for more than a few months between attacks in the entire 18 years. That's one of the biggest reasons I say she has to change too (and quite a few people here have said I have no right to expect her to change anything) if this is ever going to work again. But for her it's "not a current issue". She wants all the emphasis on how wrong I was to cheat (and I was wrong), but none on the reasons at home that made starting over with someone else look so appealing. I just hope the counseling she's getting will address the anger and violence and the all or nothing mindset of who's at fault. There's plenty of blame to go around.