open eyes, i know, everything you say...you are right on. i don't want to go back to her but i really liked her. i have a really hard time trusting people....to the point of their physical appearance being important. i have specific requirements in my head for a therapist and she met them all. i am scared to look somewhere else. i want to see a picture of the therapist first and i can't go around looking. this last time, i kid you not, i PAID 5 different therapists before i picked her. it is ridiculous what i do. i know this and am unable to stop. i am frustrated to say the least. i confided in this therapist, i told her some of my most deepest darkest thoughts..i told her i had severe trust issues and i told her about the therapist search which led me to her. she knew this. i do not understand why bad things always happen to me.. alll the time. i tried to reach out and ask for help. now i'm back to feeling like a hermit. it's ridiculous i know, and trust me i feel so stupid over this. i hate myself. but i will be ok. just suffering. thanx for listening.