Hey guys/girls, I may have finally figured out what the cause of most of my symptoms/feelings/attitude/etc. is. I was talking to a friend today and she told me that I always put myself down. When she told me that I do that a lot I was surprised, but then I realized she is right.

That sparked more thinking and I came up with another thing that I do: I have these full-blown conversations (I have no idea how to explain what they are because I am concious of what I am doing, but they seem out of my control) with myself, imagining all types of situations. It is like I will start telling myself things, and convincing myself, that people are trying to annoy me, get under my skin, or take advantage of me. I play through conversations, that may happen in the future, in my head where I assume the alpha wolf role if I need to put myself in a situation where I have to talk to someone or I think someone is going to talk to me. These thoughts have been going on for as long as I can remember, now that I realize they have been going on. I am not working now, but I really feel like this is the reason I come undone when working.

The thoughts happen in my work and personal life. They can range from things like conversations to actually imagining something is going to happen. What I mean by imagining things that could happen, for example, is actual part of a day. It can be from dealing with a customer to talking to family. I would say that all these "things" are completely negative and set me up for failure.

Am I completely out of my mind? Do you guys deal with things like this? What do I do to stop it? I may not have explained it in the best way, but this is one of those things that is hard as heck to explain.