Bella - you're correct, it still is painful. It doesn't help any that I'm constantly reminded of my lover. I live in the apartment we rented together. I've gotten rid of everything she left here when she moved out, including some things of great sentimental value that really hurt to throw out. Can't get rid of absolutely everything, though. What am I going to do, throw out all of my pots and pans and dishes and silverware because we bought them together? When I go to bed at night, I have to sleep in the bed I bought for us, that we spent so many nights sleeping together and, um, not sleeping together in. Can't just throw that out, I have to sleep somewhere and I can't afford another one. Even the car I'm driving I bought from her. Reminders everywhere, as much as I've tried to eliminate them.

My wife and I are back on speaking terms and spending a little time together, but neither of us is ready for me to move back home. We both still hurt too much, although for different reasons. Still working things out, but it looks like we will be signing a legal separation agreement soon. That will provide for her and the kids financially while we both take time to work out our own issues. We are both plenty guilty for the condition we allowed our marriage to deteriorate into even before I decided to leave for an old lover. Will take lots of time before we're even ready to work on the marriage together, and it still may wind up in divorce. Only time will tell.