....surely only an addict could understand the meaning here when I say that doing everything is just the same as doing nothing...and suddenly I can't be bothered explaining it at all, but I will a little bit

I'm on my school break and it's the second week and I'm unhinging...and it's happening right in front of my clean and sober eyes!

I wake these days in a half arsed panic about whats ahead...better than a full on panic though, because I know I won't jam substances into my body and soul today, but a panic nonetheless.

My brain seizes up, untangling and retangling an entirely random itinery for the day despite only having the concentration span for 18 minutes tops! I estimate...and I can feel my skull expanding and contracting like a thought lung gasping for ideas.

wise people have uttered the word balance within earshot to me, others have written it down for me to view...and others still, have screamed it in my damn face!

what is this mysterious creature I must befriend to survive...as opposed to all the other examples of wisdom I have slain in order that I might slowly die high.

I'm sure the world won't mind it when I sit down and assume a vague mental posture all of my own for as long as it takes for me to accept and trust that if I go and fill my day up tooooo much I am done for, and if I force upon the day a vacuum of activity I am equally done for!

gently does it....DM