I don't know if I can post this here but I'm going to anyways because I don't know what else to do.

I always thought ADHD for me was great. It was a gift. I was always running around having the time of my life. I was a free spirit, my soul couldn't be contained. I loved it. Of course I can't always do what I want when I want and I know I should be able to stop wasting time and get myself together but my gift is a curse.

College is the opposite of me. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't fix any of my problems, I can't sit down and study, I can't do any work. I take my pills, I turn off my brain and I try to be normal and efficient like everyone else. I hate it though, I can't stand it anymore. I hate having to be a lifeless product of modern medicine. I hate being another zombie just walking from class to class, not talking to anyone, not having a life. I turned off and now I can't take it. I can't take what I am and I can't take anymore pills. But now, without it, I'm drowning in problems and I can't get myself to fix it because of my stupid brain can't be normal. I've lost all control and now I'm screwed. I want to get help, I need to get help but I can't. I'm nothing but a worthless, broke, self-harming college student with ADHD and an eating disorder losing what's left of her mind.

Thank for reading my troubles and not just quitting half way through like I would have.