I am afraid to sleep. I avoid sleeping and use drugs to keep myself awake. If I do sleep, I'm fully dressed and sleep in my closet. I won't sleep in a bed. I have nightmares plus sleeping means tomorrow comes and facing another day is not something I look forward to. My mind isn't safe when I'm asleep and I hate not being in control. I have history of sexual abuse and assault but it isn't something that I want to deal with. I am getting really bad with not sleeping which makes my depression worse and I'm close to suicide. Why am I such a freak?