(((2bme)))),

Well, you are just trying to find some space and inner safety.

(((2bme))), one of the things I went through is that I did choose to run away alot when I addressed abuse growing up. So part of that is feeding into that desire to find a way to run away. But we cannot run away from ourselves and our life experiences. With PTSD we have to allow it to run it's course and it is a challenge. I am far enough along now where I have come to realize that while I did experience so many uncomfortable things I didn't understand, eventually this process does present less and less impact and the brain does start to calm down. I had a very challenging year last year and I didn't really understand it all either. As I said, I often fed into it for that reason, I was afraid and didn't understand it.

This experience is truely NOT about how you failed in any way. This is NOT about a life sentence of suffering either. And what I have begun to realize is that I was really reliving through troubling times in my life and as I was doing that, I felt everything. I didn't realize how truely frightened and confused I was. But the brain does block that off just so we can continue to survive somehow. But by slowing down and taking slow deep breaths you can calm yourself and learn that you do have the power to do that for yourself.

While I was going through it I noticed that my brain was so busy all the time day and night, constantly trying to sort through so much and searching for answers to so many things. Yes, it can be exhausting at times and very confusing as well. If I was a therapist treating this disorder, I would explain it much different that it was explained to me. I would also make sure whatever family was around me, knew what I had was real and was going to be a challenge and to make sure to do their best to be patient and understanding and keep reminding me that I was going to get through it and to allow myself to slow down and work on it as best as I could without trying to fight it or feel like I was failing somehow.

Right now 2bme you have been experiencing a lot of emotions coming out. And this has to take place so your brain can finally get back to settling down and getting back to functioning better, and that WILL come gradually. But this is going to take time depending on how much you have to address. And yes, some days are going to be very challenging too. I had days where I had to be very quiet and truely could not do much at all, but don't feel guilty about that, this will pass eventually.

Make sure you keep getting therapy, keep learning soothing methods too. Ok, you needed to go for a ride, sitting on some rocks looking out over the water, that is ok.
I did that too and seeing the sun reflecting off of the water was nice, theraputic. And yes, you are not going to feel all that social, that is fine, not your fault either, other people cannot understand this so don't bother, just allow yourself to work through it.

You are doing good, coming and talking here with every new concern, that is good.
You can do it, you can get back home so give yourself time to relax and calm down again so you can find your way home. Remember, don't feed into it just keep following and take deep breaths and work towards calming yourself down.

We are still here and listening, you are doing ok, yes it is a challenge but just be patient and kind to yourself.

(((((Close your eyes, I am rubbing your back to calm you and tell you to relax and calm down you are doing your best so be patient, your going to be ok, just allow yourself to relax and calm down))))

Open Eyes