Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I won't destroy anything, but I have a great fantasy about blowing myself up in a huge fiery ball or being crushed by a wall or something and then walking away from the rubble alone (this is a fantasy so I am not dead) and never have a need for another human interaction ever. In the fantasy, the pets and all other humans are fine.
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I find this really interesting and I keep thinking about it. It's not unusual to have fantasies about doing oneself in - and a lot of people actually do it. But in your fantasy you
walk away from it - you don't destroy yourself.
It sounds like there's a
part of you that you want to destroy, and then you can walk away ALONE - meaning free, the real you. Y'know, that's what therapy is all about - digging up and separating out that part of us that is ..... IDK, wrong, broken ... and becoming whole. The authentic self, as the T's like to say.
Just putting my thoughts out there on the off chance this might help, because I know you've got a ton of determination to figure things out.