Hi everyone,

I've been lurking here for a few days, trying to get the feel of the people here. This seems like such a nice, safe place to talk about DID. I hope to get to know you and to get to talk about some of my confusion about DID.

I was just diagnosed with DID two weeks ago. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, I just didn't know that the conversations inside my head (and other things) are not what other people experience. I went to a therapist with my daughter who was having traumatic memories surface from her life in an orphanage (before we adopted her). When the therapist talked to me about how my dd may experience dissociation and she described the spectrum, I suddenly realized with a lurch in my stomach that she was describing me. It took me two weeks to really accept this, during which time I met two alters by name. At that point, I scheduled an appt for myself, went to the therapist, and told her what I have experienced. She was very accepting and understanding. She asked if I knew of any alters and then said "do you know if there are any little ones?". A little one came out (this has never happened before that I know of) and said "we don't come out" and then began to cry a strange moaning, kittenlike cry. I could hear this, but couldn't control my hands and couldn't really see where I was. I was co-conscious, but not as much as I usually am. I have been co-conscious (meaning that "Elizabeth" is always out while others are out and can keep track of things, although I never really understood what was going on) since I was about 20, and I believe that I have had alters sharing important "current" infomation for longer than that. Anyway, I got pretty shaken up by having someone I didn't know come out and take control.

I have moved past denial about having DID pretty fast. There wasn't much point in denying what I've been living for so long. It is really just putting a label on it, not changing my reality. I have met or been given awareness of 16 alters so far (in a month). I have cooperative co-consciousness with 7 of us. It has really been amazing to me at how smooth it has been to learn who is actually out and also be able to request that someone come out who will be really good in a certain situation. Everyone has always been very aware and protective of our daughter since she is only 2 1/2. We all feel that children should never be hurt, and have always kept a safe big one out around dd, even before becoming aware of this. (is it ok to switch while writing here? is there a way to indicate that this sentence wasn't Elizabeth? does it matter to you guys?)

I have a question about trying to remember things, because this relates to s*x, but I'm afraid to put anything into writing as it may trigger someone else here. Is there a safe way to talk about this?

Elizabeth