Thank you for your response. My T's focus is trauma therapy and DID so I am lucky with that. I also trust my system. They have been with me for decades and protected me most of the time. There were times when some alters acted out and put me in a bad situation but those were few and far between. Right now my system is telling me to wait. And that feel right. But I am also concerned that my T is right and we should have been discussing my early years by now. But every time my T even brings those years up I become very defensive and shut down. If she persists I get angry. I don't yell or anything I just hold my temper until the subject changes or the session is over. I just don't seem to be able to move past that point. And I am afraid to let myself express myself when I am angry. I can get very angry. This anger is one of the reasons I began therapy and I am still working on co consciousness with my anger. I am afraid I will become angry and not be there. I wish I was more certain about my reaction should we start talking about my eairly years. But thanks again for the response. I will try the journal. I have in the past but never keep up with it. So I will try again.