Yes, you guys are right there is NO excuse for his behavior. There is also very little excuse for my own behavior also except that I have this "illness" and can't control many of my thoughts and actions depending on the day. I asked him how he would feel if he was on the brink and someone pulled out a camera and tried to capture "him" on tape. He still doesn't get it and again questioned why it would bother me so much. He's given himself permission to act however he wants and uses my illness as the excuse. You guys are all correct and none of this is okay.
I am used to being both an abuser in my mental states AND being abused starting with my parents growing up. I have packed up and left my house twice and always come back. I don't want a divorce. As much bad as there is with this man, there is also an overwhelming love that I get from him when things are good and I cannot picture life without him. I love him but he also has a lot to change. I am trying to give him the patience I would want given to myself, but I'm wearing thin. My own brain is enough of an enemy of mine, I certainly don't need it from a husband also.
There is no easy answer. I appreciate all of you for responding to my thread. I haven't had an easy last few days.