I don't know what to say, my story is a long one and I am not in the mood for typing. I suffer from double depression, general anxiety disorder, PTSD and self mutilation tendencies. The physical abuse started around the age of 9 and lasted until I left for college. I was raped by a stranger at 14 on my high school campus which didn't help matters. At 16 I made a decision to swallow everything that happened to me down. That was the only way I could see to survive. I was leaving for college and thought that if I just pretended everything was okay, then maybe for the most part it would be, and for ten years for the post part it was. I would have issues pop up but I was able to reign them in, I got really good at lying to myself and others that I was okay. Now ten years later, I am in a really bad place. I am not if something triggered it, or if it was just natures way of making me examine the crap that I have been ignoring for so long. Either way, I don't know what to do. I can barely function and feel like a ghost, a shadow, a whisper. I feel like I am just going through the motions but am never really present. I have feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness, self-loathing, and like the world would be better off if I were not in it. I am not sure what else to do. I have tried pretty much everything. I am worried that I am going to lose my job because somedays I can't even be bothered to get out of bed. I am so exhausted from the lack of sleep and flashbacks that work is the last thing I want to do. Does anyone have any advice for me? Can I ever over come the abuse that haunts my days and nights? Any thoughts are welcome. Thanks-