Dear T,

Your email so warmed my heart - thank you. I needed it so badly. I am hurting so much right now. Getting into my core issue has been very difficult and left me soul weary. My heart is hurting - where has the confident, happy woman gone that was here a month ago? I miss her - I need her strength.

You committed yourself to walk with me through this journey - I am going to hold you to that commitment. I am also going to ask you to back off if I tell you "Not this week - I can't - I need a break". You know that I am strong and that I will go forward, but oh I am so afraid what it will do to me. So many issues we've tackled through the past few years have almost broken me. The depressions have been crippling, and I don't want to end up back in the hospital. Neither do I want to drink, SI, shoplift, or go back to OD'ing on pain meds.

Please continue to be patient, warm, compassionate, wise, caring. I know you will be - guess I just need the extra reassurance right now. Keep reminding me that you're here for me, and that it's safe, and that I'm in the here and now, not back in the past. That's really scary for me - when I get caught up in the memories and the moment, and have difficulty telling the difference. I don't want to dissociate again - that really frightened me.

Just keep telling me I can do this, and that I'm a good person. That's all I need to hear actually...