Hi all,

We have been together 4 1/2 years, and have lived with each other for about 3 1/2 years.

We met in college, and fast became friends; there were definitely some dependency issues and we spent too much time with each other. I fell in love and pursued her; she resisted for a long time but we were best friends throughout. She was going through a lot of issues, she had been through a bad breakup, had been promiscuous in a destructive way. She had issues with being by herself as well. She led people on, manipulated them, used them etc.

Regardless, I fell in love and was a huge support to her in her life. She healed her traumas for the most part and became a stronger woman. I was helpful to her as a friend. What I got out of the relationship, was my own healing, excitement, love, and the joy of having a best friend I felt really understood me.

After we graduated, we went our separate ways. I went on a month long trip, and I was completely devastated because I wanted her. It hurt too much, and I didn't know if we could still be friends. A few months later, she suddenly had a change of heart and was turned on by me, she tells me how it was a choice she felt resistance around but she thought the idea was good and worth trying out. She described how she had a deep orgasm interacting with me through webcam, without actually touching herself...

I moved to New York to find work and be with her. We struggled for a while to connect as a couple, and the first time we had sex it was very awkward and she felt like maybe we shouldn't date after all (it was my first time).

Things got better, we both grew as lovers and we shared in deep passion for at least some moments. We have always stressed complete honesty and openness in our relationship.

She tells me now, how she can't be in touch with her heart and have sex with me without it feeling very wrong to her. She has developed a close friendship with someone and she feels very strong, romantic excitement with him. She loves me too much to cheat, but can't ignore the 'wrongness' she feels with me.

On my part, I feel like I've had my heart closed to the world where my passion is concerned. I would mostly do stagnant things like playing video games, going to work, eating, browsing reddit etc. I wouldn't try out new things, I didn't follow my creative passion (which I have had trouble connecting with)... I'm in a job I don't really want to do that much, because it pays well. I'm an artistic and creative person, and I want to be my own boss. I haven't taken steps toward this.

Ever since dealing with all the pain around this issue, dealing with the emotions has helped me to open my heart again but I feel like it's too late. No matter what, I don't want my heart to close and I will keep being more social, interested, proactive...

I've never been with anyone else, and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone else, or to have sex with a different person. This pales in comparison to my desire to stay with my girlfriend, but I know I could be OK and eventually happy without her.

What happened to us? We still love each other deeply, but is our relationship doomed? We don't know what to do, and are working on not living together anymore and having more distance but not yet separating (She has resented me taking care of financial issues and has felt like she can't contribute fairly to the lifestyle we've had... nice apartment, cats, various amenities ).

Any thoughts and perspectives would be much appreciated, let me know if you have any questions...