Ever since the day my dad committed suicide and we were forced to move to another province, my mother has had nothing but issues with employment, especially within the last year I believe.

The issue seems to be cyclical. Let me explain…

Phase One: All She Needs is A Job.
During this phase she sits mostly on the couch doing little of anything while simultaneously putting all the pressure on me to support the two of us on my income from disability services (in other words spending my money and bankrupting me) and forcing me to search for employment options for her since she lacks the know how of that, including making a resume. She will repeatedly say that all she wants is a job during this phase and that she will take anything. Also while in this phase she constantly complains about having no money (because she is not working) and comes to me begging for money. (She likes to take me into stores and sweet talk me into buying her something, which, honestly, after a buy her something is the only time she ever treats me as though I am loved…)

Phase Two: I Have Found Her a Job.
During this phase, which usually begins after a few weeks or months of online job searching for her and her having spent the vast majority of my money, there is a prospective employer interested in hiring her, and it is usually either a basic job or one she is really looking forward to and adamantly believes will make her feel happy and fulfilled.

Phase Three: Employment Starts and Reality Comes Knocking on the Door.
During this phase she will have started whatever job it is that she was able to find and will have begun complaining about it on a daily basis because, although all she wanted was a job and that this one would work is what she said, there is inevitably something wrong with it. In the past this has included a mean boss, bad hours, too long of a drive, the work was not fun, the work was hard, whatever it might be, and she begins contemplating quitting this employment to look for a more fulfilling job despite her pledge that she would remain with this one no matter what and/or it would be the one that fulfilled her.

Phase Four: The Hate.
During this phase her hate for her life and her job increases dramatically and consumes her life it seems. She talks about nothing other than how horrible this job is and everything that is wrong with her life. She will inevitably quit.

Phase One…

You might say that it is not the responsibility of her 21-year-old son to be taking care of her and taking responsibility for the household, but that is kind of hard to ignore when it keeps arriving on my desk to solve and when there is no money for anything other than my money. Moreover, we live in a trailer, so it adds to the fact that we’re near each other all the time while I am waiting for vocational rehab to accept me for employment support so I can successfully work full-time.

Truthfully, I don’t think my mother has ever had to care for herself, and she has never lived on her own before. She went straight from with her parents to marriage with my dad when they were 18 years old.

And I can’t talk to my mother on the best of days (and this has always been the case even before my dad’s suicide). I am usually under the impression that she doesn’t care what I have to say. Most of the time she will totally ignore me and disregard everything I have said providing she even acknowledges that I am talking or am there.

It’s always hard to think that I’ve never had emotionally present parents or love or support for most of my life. I hate it when others think that self-acceptance and self-love are preprogrammed into humans and that all it takes is some random epiphany of mine and lots of warm positive thoughts to feel better about everything, as if all it takes is a post-it note on my mirror of a compliment. What a total disregard for my experiences and the human condition…

Anyway, advice about my mother?