You aren't a freak. You've been traumatized. I went thru something similar when I first started talking about my abuse.

For me, I was able to get back to somewhat normal through medication. Maybe if you wanted to, this is something you could try?

I really feel for you. I know it's hard to think about what happened, but I don't know if you would be fully able to move past it if you didn't. Can you find a therapist or a counselor or even a clergyman that you could trust? Talking about it is sooooo hard, but it's the first step toward healing and moving forward with your life.

I wish you the best.