UPDATE:

I saw t today for the first time since the big bomb he threw at me. It has been two weeks which for me is a long time. I have an appt with another therapist on Thursday which he does know about.

I know you are all screaming at me right now..........KKKKKCCCCC!!!!! Aghh why did you go back to see this douche canoe and jerkasoras-rex?!?

Well I went back because I am so attached to him. I have worked with him for almost four years and it is so hard to just walk away. I am lost and I am miserable.

What happened? Well I filled out my two weeks of diary cards like I was supposed to and then wrote down some other things that needed to be talked about. I had many questions like, why am I being punished? You never gave me any warning etc...

And he was like, "KC in dbt therapy clients can not fail. You did nothing wrong. I take full responsibility, I have failed you. My therapy has failed you." blah blah blah blah. He said so many things it is hard to process it all out here but I am going to try to at least get some of it out. This may be choppy and it will not be complete. He said in the beginning he mislead me by saying that this is a relationship that can last forever and that we would always be connected in some way until we die. He said that yes we are here til were not here and we don't know when that will be. OMG I AM SO SICK OF HEARING THERAPY ******** MUMBO JUMBO! Isn't that a complete cluster f of a line?

He said that he isn't sure that we would make it through this and he takes full responsibility if that happens but he wants to do better at being my therapist and work with me to build a life worth living with other support besides him. He said he was still going to support me but he wanted me to have other meaningful relationships in my life and by being so connected to him it is hindering me from doing that.

I told him that I was not going to videotape and that he had many other clients to chose from to do his consultation with the dbt coach. Since he told me it was all about him and his behaviors and interactions that were being critiqued. He said that he wanted it to be me because there is only one me and I am the relationship that he needs try harder at. I said that doesn't make sense, don't you want to try your best with all of your clients? He said that he feels he does do his best with his other clients and that he feels he is not doing his best with me. OUCH.

Finally I had enough and I was like, look I want to move on here, why don't we talk about the diary card? He asked how that was going to work because it was all related to what we had talked about and that I was really angry and that trying to do a chain analysis would go over like an effin lead balloon. I said well actually out of my two choices that sounds like the better one so I will be very willing to dive into a chain analysis.

I was like look.........I did my part, now you do yours.

Oh there is more but it is so hard to even write it out logically so I will take a break for now.

It wasn't pretty.

I see my new t on thursday.

Any feedback would be great.