Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I am irked I told the therapist about my parent. I am irked I wanted to tell anybody at all and that I thought of her as being a possibility.
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why wouldn't you tell the T about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I dislike not being in control of myself. It was silly to give in to the urge to tell the therapist and I did not really need to do it. If I had waited longer it would have passed and if I had waited longer, I would have been more in control of the situation and could have told friends and been able to deflect them appropriately.
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why was it silly to give in? and what is the point of telling friends just to deflect any questions?
I have a HUGE problem with thinking my childhood was anything but happy and "normal", so it pisses me off that i am the way i am today. there is no reason for it! my T has been telling me for 4 years that it is not the case, that there is reasons why i am depressed, isolate myself, don't see a future, avoid relationships..etc. I always say "Well yeah, i suck at being an adult."
We were talking more about that today and she said its hard because my biggest road blocks to feeling better is this belief that i shouldn't be feeling so bad because i have no reason to. i said i would rather forego any positive feelings if i didn't have to feel the negative so bad. i told her that i do not understand how ANYONE is happy as an adult. there are so many horrible things that happen to people-no one escapes unscathed. my uncle died a few years ago, and he and my aunt were married for 30 something years. love of her life. how she manages to find happiness now escapes my imagination.
to me any potential grief, sadness outweighs any positive feelings. also everyone is stressed, working too much, then go home and attend to their children who are full of energy and life and need constant attention, only to go to sleep and do it all over again. day after day. I L-O-V-E kids, i work with them every day! Yet i can NOT imagine actually raising one, or in a relationship at all.
ANYWAY (sorry, tangent) my T was saying that the way I view the future for what i was taught, rather it was explicitly or implictly. i was taught that negative feelings were not to be expressed, or i should just "get over it", so at some point i turned off my feelings. i turned off any want of expectation for a future, because all i saw was stress and difficulties. She is sloowwllyyy getting me to accept all this stuff.
There is a point to all of this
You seem similar in some ways. Do you feel that your childhood has effected your thought processes today? About how you see the world? What you expect from others? (Or not) NO ONE likes to be controlled or manipulated, but i would think that most people wouldn't think of all T's as "wily," or "manipulative." Do you think that you think these things BECAUSE of how you were treated?
do you believe that it is
absolutely human nature to have the need to connect with others, be attached, feel supported? we are social beings-that is how we survived, evolutionary and as babies. There have been studies showing that babies in orphanages die not because they were malnourished or not properly dressed--it was literally because they were never held by the nurses. They died because there was no attachment to another human being.