Oh Mr. Venomous,

Echoes could be right also but I wonder if this may be going on as well. You know your mother more than we do. Maybe a therapist could nail it down for you better. We are not professionals remember. Some of my thoughts are.......

I am so sorry that you have been through all of this. You are absoultly right we are not necesarily born with the emotional package for our future. We ARE born with the ability to learn that from our parents who are supposed to nurture us and show us all of that. And the human child imprints many things from their parents without realizing it, unfortunately even negetive things. After teaching and being around children for so many years, yes I saw that in many ways.

Yes I see the dilemma with your mother now. But what is her background? To be fair to her, that has to also be considered because as I said, if children are not raised to flourish and thrive, well, you are looking at one of the sad end results in very close quarters.

From what you are discribing, your mother didn't learn how to be much of anything other than a woman who always expected others to provide for her so she could thives on some kind of level. That is what she is really saying by what you are discribing here.

So what IS her imprinting? Oh she truely thinks that it is not her job or role to be a provider. And there are many women that think this. There still is that old role thing where the man is the one for that and the woman is to be at home, keep the house and maybe raise children (not all do that right either as you can see). So this working sounds inviting to her, but once she gets into a job, it just goes against her conditioning that somehow she should not truely be doing that. She honestly doesn't feel right about it and looks for reasons to dislike it and quit. She is probably not even aware of this either. She is torn between wanting to be productive in some way and just not feeling right when she is actually doing that part in a work situation.

People who are used to being "TENDED TO, PROVIDED FOR" do react this way. And she doesn't even know how to tend to others at all from what you discribe of how she treats you. How old is she? This is not an easy fix, she isn't grown up at all you know. She is an adult child that just expects to be taken care of somehow. She is not capable of seeing your sacrifices either, in her mind it is your job to care for her. And that is why she zones you out.

She is going to have to somehow learn to care for herself from scratch and may not be able to do it. The only thing that I can think of is DONT GIVE HER ANY MORE MONEY THEN YOU HAVE TO. Ofcourse you have to have a roof over your heads, but don't give her anything else. And I am going to warn you SHE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE IT AND MAY EVEN THROW SOME CHILDISH TANTRUMS. Who knows what kind of childish behaviors she might try.

But before I continue with this? Has she ever worked? It doesn't sound like it. And maybe she is depressed about your father, don't know what kind of relationship they had. But she is a lost lady right now IMO.

Open Eyes