The diagnosis was a long thing coming ... Over the last year I have been having discussion with my Tdoc that my diagnosis of BPD was possibly wrong or they should at least consider that I a may have a duel diagnosis of BPD and Cyclothymia. Cyclothymia was the only thing that made any sense to me. The characteristics fit me to a T. The BPD they say stems from my up-bringing being molested as a young child (ages 8-12) I just turned 28 years old and have been in therapy since I was around 11. Diagnosed with BPD at 21 and said basically f'it. Got kicked out of the Navy for having BPD. Went to one appointment when I got out and never went back. Just in the last 1.5 year's my life has become quite un-manageable with the mood swings, severe happiness, depression, being ok at some moments but at the drop of the hat I wasn't. I was having mood swings daily. The Abilify has helped so much with the mood swings I have experienced on a daily basis. My PDOC wants to continue upping the dosage till it's more treating the whole issue ... I believe the manic side and there's no way to really tell unless it happens again which sucks. I'm overall just in a bad funk right now .............

Ok let me get back on topic I think I am veering off.

I think I am handling it well because I'm so sick of being told that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Sick of the arguments, sick of justifying why I don't have it to the emergency room doctor's. (Twice in the last 12 months). They want to justify the BPD because of the above child hood trauma which I don't suffer from/or have flash backs from.

My new Pdoc = Amazing ... we have gone over everything. She know's about the child hood trauma, that I'm a product of rape, that my mom's dad committed suicide before I was born. The whole 9 yards. There is some serious mental illness in my family. Bio Dad unknown and my mom's father's in unknown. I just happen to be the oddball who recognizes there is something wrong and am sick of feeling the way I do. I want to someday get married again and have kid's but right now I am so not ready for that. My life is just chaotic. I am living back home with my mother and teenage sister. Just got out of a rehab facility a few months ago. Lost my dog's, there back with my soon to be ex-husband thank god Once our divorce is finalized the dogs will hopefully be back with me if I am standing on my own 2 feet then. I don't have a job, a car, I'm collecting food stamps cannot qualify for well fare as my soon to be ex-husband is supposedly sending me alimony each month but he is always late. He still owes me 50 from last month and 300 for this month. My thought's are constantly racing. I just want things to get better they have to. If they get worse then they are right now. I will be homeless, not able to pay my storage unit bill and have no relationship with my mother.

My only other option which really isn't an option well maybe it is ... is trying to file for disability through the va and/or ssi till I can figure things out. VA would be for life. SSI i'm not sure how that works. My pdoc would prefer me working so it might be hard but possible. I think you can work part time while on SSI?

Sorry I am rambling ... for the most part I have a very positive attitude about this getting better but as you can probably tell my mind is all over the place.