just to be clear, I tell my husband exactly how I feel, I ask for his help when I need it, and I include him in all my medical updates and appointments. I agree that it is not possible for many men to fill a caretaker role, because they were never taught to do so, especially my husband: the prodigal son in a family of girls...but I don't think it's too obscure to expect him to not verbally abuse me while I'm sitting on the toilet and vomiting into a tub on my lap...sorry for being crass...but right now, my life is crass