His taking responsibility doesn't make it hurt less. A sudden and significant shift in the relationship after 4 years is a shock and confusing. It's sad, to me, that your T couldn't see a gentler way to shift the relationship to something he felt would be more therapeutic.

I wouldn't want to do the videotaping either, although I'm enjoying some fantasies about how it could be satisfying to try to make him look bad in it (hurt/immature me speaking).

I do understand the 'connected until we die' comment, although if his therapy doesn't encourage deep and lasting connection, I don't know why he would say it to his clients. We do stay connected, in our hearts, with those we've had relationships with, even when separated geographically or otherwise. Memories are a way of being connected.