Trippin, I have not been on here a lot lately. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. My heart goes out to you. I read your post and literally pictured myself when I was sitting in my bathroom on the floor waiting for the end. I have been there. I know exactly how you were feeling. Please though, think of the kids. There is NO ONE who can replace YOU. No matter what you do or say or try to write in your letters you can never convince them that it wasnt somehow their fault. They will blame themselves. This is what has kept me alive. I know that I can not leave that on their chest. I have to live or exist as I sometimes say for the benefit of my two kids. I have been down the line and there are so many people who are much better off than me mentally and financially but they still cant give my children what I can. There is no replacement for us. We have to struggle through barely hanging on because its what we have to do. Things do get better. We are bipolar. It may take weeks months or years but it will get better and then we will cycle again but its how we are programmed and it cant be changed.
You are such a helpful enlightening wonderful spirit. You help so many people on PC, I have seen it. You are there understanding and listening and you have probably saved lives and didnt even know it.

The contract is an awesome idea. I will be waiting to see you check in today. I will be on and off. Please keep your head held high. You deserve a good life and I believe you can have one. Your a wonderful parent, dont ever think anything less. Hugs to you and Im here if you ever need to talk.