I had group T last night, and once again, I was disconnected from the group.....UGH.

I was panicky before I even walked in the door - and I was planning to address that with the group. I wasn't able to pinpoint what I was panicky about - life has been very stressful lately - finance issues, concerns about a work project that may end up preventing me from becoming full time, things that I have been procrastinating about becoming urgent, and taking my mom in for a significant surgery today.....AND I started reading a book about understanding and treating women's CSA and had been feeling a bit triggery about what I was reading....so, who knows?

Anyway....before I could get those words out, someone started addressing something that was going on his life - about his fear for his children's safety...and THAT set me off into an internal panic....then I froze....I just couldn't get any words out.

A couple sessions ago, T told me to use some methods to ground myself when I start drifting....One thing he said was to look at him, make eye contact with him....Well, each time I looked over at him, he was not looking at me....at all....it's like I didn't exist......which left me feeling worse.

Later in the session, someone asked for my feedback, specifically, on something...and I really didn't have much to give her.

I felt like such a failure by the end of the session. I have my individual session tomorrow, and I just don't even want to bother. Typical for me, I know. Blech.