MUE i am always so amazed at how much insight you have about what is going on with you .how you can see the reasons you feel so disconnected. still it must have been hard when you were not able to look in your T eyes. i just don't think i could ever do so well in a group setting like that i would never open my mouth and would feel attacked if anyone tried to get me to. you are so not a failure at all you just put so much pressure on you.why not give yourself a break untill you have T and try to process it then