Quote:
Originally Posted by bowhunt72
Bella - you're correct, it still is painful. It doesn't help any that I'm constantly reminded of my lover. I live in the apartment we rented together. I've gotten rid of everything she left here when she moved out, including some things of great sentimental value that really hurt to throw out. Can't get rid of absolutely everything, though. What am I going to do, throw out all of my pots and pans and dishes and silverware because we bought them together? When I go to bed at night, I have to sleep in the bed I bought for us, that we spent so many nights sleeping together and, um, not sleeping together in. Can't just throw that out, I have to sleep somewhere and I can't afford another one. Even the car I'm driving I bought from her. Reminders everywhere, as much as I've tried to eliminate them.
My wife and I are back on speaking terms and spending a little time together, but neither of us is ready for me to move back home. We both still hurt too much, although for different reasons. Still working things out, but it looks like we will be signing a legal separation agreement soon. That will provide for her and the kids financially while we both take time to work out our own issues. We are both plenty guilty for the condition we allowed our marriage to deteriorate into even before I decided to leave for an old lover. Will take lots of time before we're even ready to work on the marriage together, and it still may wind up in divorce. Only time will tell.
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I understand the reminders / pain thing. Like you, I had them all around me. OK, Bow, let's have a pityparty
:
Talk about hard. One of mine (my FIRST love whom I was to marry, whom had a child that I loved, with whom we were already trying to add more kids, whose ex-wife I got along with, whose family I spent time with, who my parents approved of, passed away suddenly from an accident)
.
And how did I find out? I heard it on an answering machine from one friend to another while I was housesitting. No one knew how to get ahold of me and the news had already started flying around.
And he was a celeb, so I couldn't even watch tv or look at billboards because it KILLED me (meaning I had NO WHERE safe to go OUTSIDE, and at home I couldn't watch tv, read magazines, look at certain items, etc.)
And for some inexplicable reason, every time I went somewhere, out of the blue, some complete stranger would be talking about something that had to do with him...
I was a disaster...
YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH YOUR T. JUST GET IT OUT! You have to mourn. which means there are several steps you have to go through to get over this former Love.
(Your
ex wife is NOT the answer. And I write
ex because you divorced her in your heart and mind a long time ago, before any of this mess with you guys began. You both did. SHE DID THE SECOND SHE PUT HANDS ON YOU)
I KNOW. I never would have gotten over him. NEVER. Had I not spoken with a T, grieved and with a little divine intervention (another story for another time if you want to know).
Then, a year+ after beloved #1 passed, I met my former fiancee. We were friends for 1 year prior to me even having a clue he was interested (I didn't even know he liked me, and he was HOT). I swore after that whole mess with #1, loss of everything...I would never love again. NEVER.
And #2 knew that, too. And we were together for EIGHT YEARS, and I refused to get married, consider marriage, having children, etc. Because I never wanted to go through that kind of hell again.
But he was awesome and persistent and he got me. Totally. And I finally gave up resisting. And we got engaged. And I picked the dress, flowers, venue...he had 2 kids from a former marriage that I fell in love with.
And a month later, a month after we got engaged, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 aggressive cancer. And I stuck with him. And then he died.
So, the point to my story is there is no guarantee. We are all where we are. But frankly, I NEVER in a million years would trade one thing for having the time that I did with either one. They were both precious and wonderful, fabulous and gave me gifts I never could have imagined.
Yes, I am a freekin' wreck, but I would never go back. The past is in the past. There is more in front of you. I promise.
Take care of YOU, first.
