I got the sense you were fighting with things within yourself somehow, stopdog .... a sort of a struggle between how you are and how things like connection are or aren't for you vs how they are or you believe they are for others.
So is it that you are fine with how things are for you, you are fine with how you are, but your struggle is to understand why things like connection/attachment are different for you than how it appears to be for the mainstream? You just want a more complete, broader understanding and to fit it into logic?
I do get a sense of consistency from you, in the way you view yourself and in the way you respond to others, that gives me a sense that your personality/style, the way you identify yourself, is consistent over different situations and through time. But I also get the sense of an intense struggle, too ..... you may have accepted yourself as you are in a way, or be fine with it, yet there's something in you not at peace with itself, something that seems like a lacking of self-compassion. Or not having compassion and acceptance toward the part of you that wonders about or wants the connection with others .....
Again, this is where my struggle is similar, yet dissimilar, to yours - I feel more comfortable in my own company, and preferred being alone, this is true. But it's not been so much because I am comfortable with me as I am and that I didn't want to have any connection to or relations with others ...... but because I was not comfortable being me as me with others, I was not comfortable with the work that goes into connections with others, with the small talk stuff/the emotional politics, etc. Guess I wanted connections, but on my terms, my rules, not the general way it seems to be!
I felt more safe alone, but that is because I didn't have a secure, stable sense of self that I could maintain in relation/connection with others ..... but in working on that, it's helped me feel more comfortable both with myself and with others, with connection and with the vulnerability that goes along with it. But even in that whole struggle with wanting to give up connection because it was so hard, I still wanted it! I knew I needed it! I just wanted it to be easier ..... and if it couldn't be easier, then I did wish it weren't so necessary.... but it's necessary and not easy, so I've begun to adapt my approach to it, just as I have learned to adapt my approach to myself, to self-acceptance and self-compassion and so on.