I am really tired of trying to feel fine. That seems like all I do these days, smile and pretend everything is okay. At night I tend to think about just ending it all. If I wasn't alive I wouldn't have to feel this way anymore. The life I am living right now isn't really a life. I have double depression, PTSD, general anxiety disorder, and self mutilation tendencies. I miss work because sometimes I just can't be bothered to leave my apartment and the guilt and fear of losing my job because I've missed work just makes everything worse. I just don't want to exist anymore. It is exhausting feeling this way, and I'm tired of feeling sick and tired.