So I'm type 1 bipolar, have been for many years. I'm married and I have a 6 year old son. When I was pregnant with my son I totally lost all sense of reason..stick with me this is going somewhere.

Fast forward to today....earlier this year I had a manic episode, mild, but manic. The one where you convince yourself there's nothing wrong with you so you stop taking all your meds and become totally reckless?

I have had a lover for 10 years whom I adore....during that manic phase I 'saw' a lot of him...I also 'saw' a bit of my husband too (rare). And now I'm pregnant......****.

My lover knows the score and is in a total panic as he has a partner and life etc...I have a pretty cushy existence with a wealthy stable man....something he is not. So do I wait several months, look at the child and decide then who's it is? Do I stop it now and have a termination? I mean...I've been in a depressive phase for the last 8 weeks, there is every chance a pregnancy might kill me anyway (if you know what I mean). However.....it could all be OK and I may be terminating a pregnancy unnecessarily....which may also be quite hard to come back from.

Would you also like to know that I have previously suffered from anorexia and so am not thrilled at the prospect of a bump again? Especially as people feel they have a right to comment etc......

I am soooo messed up...any thoughts would be hugely appreciated...from people who may understand my inner turmoil?