Quote:
Originally Posted by johnf22881
I am on medication, have been on just about every medication possible (maybe not every combination though).
These things I play out in my mind feel like I have no control over them. They just start up out of nowhere and without cause.
There have been several instances where my thoughts with actually make me get angry with someone for no real reason. For example, I can meet a friend of a friend, or even a person at random, and start having these conversations with myself and can actually talk myself into hating them (or talk myself into thinking that the person is out to get me), without them even saying anything. Another example of something I do is I start cursing someone out in my head and then play out the hostility or anger at the person. Something else that comes to mind is if I have to do something like call someone I play it out in my head, making the worst of it and will actually feel embarrassed or foolish or something to that extent (something as weird as this will prevent me from doing what I need to, i.e. like making the call).
I will add more examples as I figure out how to explain them. I have been trying to explain this to my psychiatrist, but this is really the first time I've been able to explain any of what is going on to anyone or even myself for that matter.
Sorry for the long reply to a simple question, just writing this out so I can better understand it and explain it to my Pdoc.
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OMG John its as if you were reading my mind lol....and I still havent found a name for what in the world goes on inside my head, but luckily, when I started taking Topamax, it controls it alot....
Myself talks to myself in my head, although one of myselfs is quite negative if that makes sense....I will think about how things could play out, or what I think someone is doing, or something someone did and get myself all worked up about it...and I will try and rationalize with my negative self and say that its not true, or stop it, and the little negative self voice says "but it could be"......for example.....
my boyfriend has dated girls in the past that never worked, etc. and has always taken care of them. Well I have a career and have never asked anything of him....the negative little voice tells me that they have something I dont so thats why he doesnt take care of me like he did them, or it will go the other end and say the only reason he is with me is because I can keep up my end of the bills.....both thoughts are totally wrong and my rational self knows this, but when Im off my meds (and before my diagnosis, I would obsess over this). And so many other crazy things I could tell you that used to race through my mind that my negative self would try and convince me was real.....I hope you find the right mix of meds, because I know how frustrating these thoughts can be....
