ok i see what you mean, but what thing could anyone say that would help ease your mind? every situation is going to be different, and unless T is there with you-they can't really see what happened. They have to rely on your word--which is your perception, which is skewed by how you think of the world/people..etc--which may be causing fear due to being taught through your family (or whomever) that people are only here to manipulate you, or humiliate you (not even you personally--a general you). If that is all you saw growing up, that is how you will grow up and see the world. Kids know nothing different than their own worlds.

An example that just happened to me this week. I was telling my T about how when I got my first period (and i was terrified of it, which my mom knew), I ran into my mom's room crying. She maybe looked at me and said "Velcro, its not a big deal. Go in the bathroom and get a pad." The end of the conversation. It doesn't hurt me to recall this. It is just what happened--who cares? My T said "Sure it doesn't hurt, because this is just another incident where your mom showed you that your feelings don't matter. You learned a long time ago to shut them off. Lets imagine another scenario. You go into your mom's room and she says to you, 'Oh Velcro! I know its scary, but it isn't so bad. Let me show you what to do, and this is normal.'" Or something similar to that effect, basically saying "Your feelings do matter, and let me help you deal with them."

I think I just stared at her. That thought NEVER occured to me. Do people say and do those things to their kids? The idea was completely foreign to me, because that wasn't the environment I was raised in. A lot of small incidents like that all led to how I am today in a large part.

Now in the adult world, I still struggle to accept feelings--especially negative ones. Judging myself is much easier. You struggle with interactions with other people, because you know you are feeling awful even though the situation might not warrant it. If the T said "Stopdog, you realize that this is an irrational thought, so you are probably not correct in thinking your co-workers are mocking you about your presentation." And there-you are fixed? That is the answer that you need?

I know I write you novellas in your threads. I know I basically say the same things over and over, and you say the same things back over and over. There is something about you that tugs at my heart strings
(I know-you'd rather be this guy than hearing that, sorry!) and sincerely wants to help you feel better in whatever way you deem fit. If all you want to do is figure out a way to interact with people without wanting to destroy yourself, I want to help...which is why I keep pursuing all this "attachment nonsense." If you can do it your way without dealing with connection, then I am happy for you. Until then, I am going to keep trying!