I need help, currently Im not seeing a therepist, though I have been to a few before. Unfortunately I can't wait till I can get to one, these feelings and insecurities are unbearable Its so hard, that I think quite often of suicide, so I can't feel this anymore. I am bipolar, and on meds, I know I won't ever act of the suicidal thoughts, but still I just want to feel better...

I have a feeling that having no self worth, or self esteem plays a big part in my insecurities, and I try sometimes to tell myself I am worth it, that my wife loves me very much, but it just doesn't work most of the time I often feel like a horrible person, someone with no value, with no talents (even though I have quite a few) I think Im ugly, and everything else thats no good. Sometimes I even feel guilty for involving my wife in my life, meeting her knowng I wasn't healed from my scars of the past yet. I endured alot of hard relationships that made me the way I am.

When I do get insecure, it feels like I lose control completely, that I get angry/depressed, worried, and the fear takes over so quickly I can't even seem to catch myself. I then feel like crap afterwards, after I have hurt my wife (emotionally) I know t hurts her, to have a husband who doubts her love. And I am so tired of being this way, I love her so much, it makes me feel like a monster when I say the things I do, and whn I doubt her.

Please, someone help me figure out how to find my worth, my trust I need in my wife, and just how to get better...I hate being this way, I been this way my whole life, and I am done