Hey PC Friends

I'm starting to think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally. This has been the craziest 4 months...so painful and hard.

I saw T today and FELL APART. He told me something that confirmed a lot of what I've been afraid of for the past 4 months (I have to be vague, I'm sorry) and I just crashed. I was sobbing, trying not to throw up, gasping for air, turned around with my face in the back of the couch. I couldn't breathe. It. was. awful.

T asked if he could come and sit with me. He checked his appt book and didn't have anyone after me, so he kept me there until it was safe for me to leave. We connected. We touched fingers, and then held hands. He helped me breathe.

It was strange because in the same moment that my big fear was confirmed, we turned a corner. There has been a huge gap between me and T that he hasn't been willing to cross...once he told me what he told me and we cleared something up, everything was all of a sudden okay with T. The gap was gone, and there he was, helping me.

I'll probably spend the rest of the year, literally, processing what's happened in these four months....but I think finally, FINALLY there's real hope.

I talk to T on Friday on the phone.

I really hope everything is getting better and I can find my words and come back to PC